Turning 40 in 2020.
The start of a new year is always a bit of a reset and a time of looking forward and goal setting. I usually make it about a week before I've had some sort of a failure and then by January 12th, I've had a piece of birthday cake and all bets are off. This year is a big one because not only is it the dawn of a new decade (how is it 2020 and why do I have so many wrinkles for a 25 year old?!) but it is also a milestone birthday for me -- the big FOUR ZERO.
So 25 plus 15.
21 plus 19.
35 plus 5.
Ok, fine. I'm 40. It's not so bad...
To be honest, I don't actually have a hard time with being 40 now. The good thing about getting older is that my friends get older with me. My 'big' sisters will always be older than me and the only thing to remind me of the fact that I am well, old....is my inability to get out of my car without pain and agony after a soccer game. My hips scream at me when I try to sprint and my daughter's baby soft skin is a stark comparison to my worn hard-working hands (they count as hard-working even if it is admin -- that's what I tell myself anyway). Another notable difference is that in the summer I run under the umbrella vs laying out in the sun for hours on end, only to show off my tan lines [painful burn] with pride.
I will say that being 40 does lead to some interesting thought patterns. Some are good, some are bad...and some are downright depressing. Some of the good things for me include:
1) Having three healthy, energetic (I do not use this word lightly) and loving kids.
2) A husband that not only does more than his fair share of parenting (he could sit on the carpet and play connect 4 for hours. Literally hours.), but also does a pretty darn good job of being married to me.
3) A lovely home that give us everything we need (and more) for raising a family.
4) A senile Boston Terrier (I still love you, Omar) who loses brains cells at a faster rate than me (thus, making me feel quite together).
5) An amazing community, family near by, and a wonderful group of friends who are going though similar life stages at the same time as me (aka also getting old).
6) Starting a business and being my own boss. Not asking for vacation time! Not asking for anything at all! Also, not having any benefits...or a livable salary...sigh..
7) Still playing soccer despite being older than the average life in ancient Greek times.
Now for the bad:
1) Never having gone to the hospital before children (ok maybe once for a sprained ankle), I now have 4 (FOUR) potential surgeries in the next year. That's a lot a think about. How does one prioritize and is there a possibility that this could *GASP*, impact my trip to Mexico in May?
2) Why am I eating less and gaining weight?
3) How did I go from running a marathon at age 24 to my back hurting walking uphill for 5 minutes at age 40?
4) How do I learn to deal with loss which is becoming more and more common within my friend group?
5) How do I set goals for the future without the mindset that I'm too old to a) - go to school or b) - start over?
6) Worrying about everything and then worrying about the negative impact of worry.
1) Why does everything make me so nervous and was there always all this doom and gloom in our history (I'm guessing probably yes)?
2) Why does spinach have so many pesticides? Why can't I get them off my strawberries even if I vigorously scrub?
3) Will the planet make it? Are we doing enough?
4) Can we stop with the assesinations and missile strikes? Or is it just the nature of human beings to be in conflict with one another?
5) Can one person make an impact on issues that matter?
6) When did ski lifts get so scary?
So you can see, my mind has been racing lately as I try to figure out both the small and big questions in life. Overall, I am so lucky to have what I have -- I know I'm very fortunate and for that I am very thankful.
And while I look in the mirror sometimes and cringe at the new wrinkles or worry about the size of my clothing, I know that ultimately these things don't matter....
......four days in, life at 40 is pretty darn good.